Always Right Behind Me;*

So a little earlier this month my grandma passed. And all that's ben going on is so hard to deal with. I know that everyone has their time to go, so in a way i couldn't be happier because im sure that time spent in heaven is much better spent than time on earth. and im trying not to be selfish because as the oldest i have to be strong for all of the younger ones. But the fact of the matter is tht i lost one of my best friends. Anyone that knows me knows that i am, by far, closer to my aunt and my grandma than anyone i the world. And my grandma was always the one to stand up for me, or understand where i stand with things, and then if i was wrong grandma was the only one that could get me to see things the right way. And when my conversations with God were lacking, or i'd forget to fall on my knees, grandma stood in the gap. Now, dont get me wrong, my aunt has always been there too but she's more of a right hand man. And of course mommy's there for me, but sometimes she sees things strictly through a mother's eyes. Grandma was the one to tell it like it is and then tell you that she'd be praying for you.
But i thank God that he had His mercy on me and let her stay with us as long as He did. I dont know what i would have done without her with us one last time. I think that God knew that the conversations me and her had face to face meant more to me than anything. I told her things that others didnt [and still dont] know, and she did the same. And those last few converations that we had didnt really begin to mean as much as they do now until after she passed.
And she was always the one to remind me that above all else my faith would get me through. She and God were both telling me that she was going to be gone soon, but of course i didnt want to beliec believe it. i just couldnt except it. But thank God for understanding because it all makes sense now because of the wisdom He gave me through her.

Over the past eighteen years ive made so many memories with her. And even things that i dont remember mean everything to me. [like her beign the first person to hold me, even beofre my mother] But the one that stands out now is my high school graduation...that was the reason behind her lastvisit to Hawaii to see us ...


i remember how i felt just before walked out onto the football field. Nothing semed real. Then when i realized how many people were there i thought that i would never be able to find my family so i said a little prayer and asked God to show them to me, and to keep me from falling in front of all those people. Then right when i looked around the first person i saw was Grandma, and we looked at each other and she stood up and waved and told me that she loved me. I dodnt see anyone else until i got to the front of the field even after i'd spotted everyone else i rmember thinking "she's was the first person to hold me and God made sure that she was the first person to see me...thank you Jesus."

And now that she's gone i think about that and i cry. But i cry because im happy. That night things could've gone whole nother way when i walked onto that field, but God had me in His favor.
And i thank God that she didnt suffer like some do. And i thank God for taking her. And i thank Him for the memories that he gave me, and for the fact that i can't remember anything bad. And i thank Him for his mercy. And for letting me have time with someone like her.
But above all else i thank God for givig me understanding. Because my time of mourning could've been spent lost. But once again, He kept me in mind.

Rest in Peace
Bessie Murie H. Edwards

october 18, 1948 - july 12, 2008